Over time, I've had few enemies and I've been an enemy to few. The dictionary defines an enemy as a person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something. As I think of this definition and how I experience or act as an enemy, I realize that to me attributes of enemy include the following:
- dishonest
- lacking empathy
- judging without good knowledge and an open mind
- hostile with words and actions
- destructive
- dangerous
- explicitly or secretly undermining
In general, it's my will to follow Martin Luther King, Jr. and Nelson Mandela's words when it comes to enemies--words that are truly challenging to follow:
These are challenging words to follow, words that propel me to the following paths, paths that help me to work with those enemies who are not predators or dangerous, but instead people whose focus is much different than my interests and people who often challenge who I am and where I'm headed.
- It's important to identify your enemies, the people who work against you rather than for you, and then rather than anger or combatting those enemies, take a step back and observe them--know who they are, what they do, and why they do what they do.
- Treat your enemies with compassion, care, and respect. Notice their good work and ways.
- Before working with enemies, work a lot with friends--people who share your focus, interest, beliefs, and goals. Become strong with good work with like-minded individuals.
- Think of your enemies as those who will sandpaper you--hear their words, watch their actions, know their intent and goals and consider this with depth. What can you learn from your enemies?
- Give it time--an enemy won't become a friend or collaborator right away. It will take time.
- Don't succumb to your enemies' negative ways or choices, but instead bring forward the best of who you can be when working with enemies--model the behaviors and honesty you value.
There are many levels of enemies. Of course there may be enemies that are truly dangerous and in cases like this you need the help of authorities and the law. Mainly, however, our enemies are people who seemingly stand in our way when it comes to getting ahead, doing what we want to do, and being who we are. These enemies are a nuisance who can undermine your good work and good living. We will all have enemies from time to time, and mostly this is caused by our varying paths and experiences in life, paths and experiences that give us different ways of moving through life, making decisions, and dealing with life events.
To deal well with enemies is also to work against being an enemy yourself. It's integral to figure out ways that you might promote and support others rather than stand in their way, diminish them, or discourage their good work and good living.
It's important that we think about our enemies and how we might move ahead of this relationship in time. It's a topic I like to think about and make decisions about from time to time in an effort to live and work better.
