Turning the page

If you follow my blog, you know I made the decision to retire. I'm busy putting the paperwork in order and reviewing the decision pros and cons. I'll be frank, it's an expensive decision. If I waited two more years, my benefits and pension would be greater. I know how expensive this decision has been. In fact, it has been the most expensive decision of my life. 

Why would I choose to lose out on that much money--money that would serve my family and me well in the days to come?

Life or death

Though some think this is dramatic, the reality is that this was a life or death decision. I asked for a remote teaching position given my age and some underlying conditions, but I never received an answer and the responses I did receive inferred that a remote position would not be available. I provided many suggestions about how to do the job safely in the fall, but my ideas were mostly met with little response or support. Finally, when my time was being usurped by anxiety at the prospects of having to teach in an unsafe and educationally unsound situation, I decided to retire knowing that there was a short window for me to get my paperwork in without incurring another financial penalty.

Was this a rash decision? Bottom line is that I could have easily contracted COVID-19. Teaching is a stressful job under normal circumstances, and it is going to be more stressful during a pandemic. That kind of stress lowers your immune system. Further, children are active, and there's no way that I can imagine a teacher always staying six-feet away from students who need you for simple matters like zipping up a coat and more complex matters like helping them when they have an accident or throw up in the classroom. There's a chance that if I contracted the illness, I would be fine, but there's also a chance that I could die--I don't want to die, thus the expensive decision.

Good teaching

I am a big fan of optimal education. I believe that a good education empowers and enriches lives. I love to teach in meaningful, powerful ways. I listened to meeting after meeting about plans for the fall, and in every scenario, there was not discussion about deep and meaningful education. Instead the discussions focused on getting as many people into schools and following the minimum standards for safety. In my opinion, the discussions were more about warehousing children than true teaching or learning. I know myself. To return to a situation where I can't teach in rich and meaningful ways, would be very, very worrisome and frustrating. Children act up when they are in situations that don't foster meaningful, engaging, and empowering learning. They naturally react against artificial, limiting, and un-childlike situations. They would not see the decision makers as the people creating those unfriendly and difficult situations, but everyday they would look at me and blame me for the uncomfortable, unnatural situation they would be experiencing. That would be frustrating and stressful.

Logical decision making

Also, as I listened to discussion after discussion, I hear no logic. Instead I hear lots of tangental discussions. I likened it to a group of people building a new house--rather than starting with the house design, location, and foundation, the group perseverated on the faucets. If that were the case, the house would never be built. The discussions about the return-to-school seemed to be the same. Main factors were missing such as the threat of the pandemic and what children are really like. Instead discussions appeared to forget that a pandemic is raging and dismiss the fact that children are active, bright, playful learners, not robots.

Logical discussions, in my opinion, would include the following.

The main decision makers would make a choice for safest possible conditions to safeguard the lives of all people involved. After all, with the long view in mind, this is a short-term problem, and is it worth risking lives for an artificial, subpar educational decision, or is it better to save lives and boost good education too.

If I were a main decision maker, I would make the following decision:

Robust remote learning for all and emergency daycare for families that need it. I also believe that the nation should provide a hardy childcare stipend for every family that makes under $200,000 a year with children 12 and under. Emergency childcare could be staffed with those staff members who volunteer for that role--I suspect that a fair number of young, healthy staff would volunteer. Remote learning could be run by those who are willing to promote a vigorous online program that truly educates in meaningful ways. I believe this is a win-win solution. 

Then I would expect the leaders and educators in each group to use their expertise to plan the nuts and bolts of the program. They're the experts when it comes to teaching and caring for children, and other than providing a list of wide parameters and expectations, I would not worry about the details, but expect a good report about how the wide parameters and expectations were met.

At all times, I would be working for win-win, financially advantageous solutions that safeguard lives and continue to inspire educators and students. I would look for ways to support families as well  beginning with the emergency childcare option. I would rather not spend money on short term solutions where possible and invest that money into long term growth and development instead. 

So I've made an expensive decision. I wrote down the figure that this decision cost me, and I'll revisit that figure in one year, five years, and ten years to see if I still think it's worth it. I suspect I will be satisfied as I hope to find other ways to make the money I lost, and I am cognizant of other decisions I've made in life that were good financial decisions reaping me some good benefits over time.

We can never know 100% if our decisions are the best decisions. On the other hand, it's much easier to know 100% if we make bad decisions. For example, what if I went back and did die or become disabled--that clearly would have been a terrible decision. There are other decisions we have to stay clear of that I call the "Do Not Go There" list that definitely are bad decisions--we have to avoid those choices. 

I'm sure I'll continue to ruminate on this decision in the days to come, but I'm not going back on it. Onward. 

Retirement: emotions

I remember the emotions I felt when colleagues, friends, and family members retired. Those emotions ranged from sadness to anger and happiness too. Each time, my emotions depended on lots of related factors. My retirement announcement has elicited a similar range of responses. 

Like our dreams, our emotions help us to understand who we are and what we want. The way we react to our own experiences and the experiences and decisions of others tells us something about ourselves. What brings us extraordinary joy? What worries us? What energizes us? These questions help us to pinpoint the cause of our emotions, and the directions those emotions move us in.

As I consider the new horizon, I have to think about the past too.

In so many ways, it was the right time to retire. Last year was one of my best teaching years--it wasn't the easiest year of teaching, but as a team, we made many incredible gains in the program we offered and the learning experiences we provided for children. When COVID-19 struck, we rose to the challenge and did a very good job. I'm proud of that work and effort. 

The new chapter of teaching and learning during COVID-19 will require teachers to be very strong. The energy required to work against so many powers unfamiliar with what good teaching and learning looks like in order to teach well will be extraordinary. Teachers will face that in all kinds of ways. Some will simply go along, reserving their energy for post-COVID-19 teaching, and others will fight against unfriendly, unsafe, and poor working conditions for children and adults. How teachers face this challenge will vary depending on age, underlying risk factors, leadership actions, privilege, and more. It will be a messy time of teaching and learning.

Typically, messiness doesn't worry me, but messiness that involves risk to my life does worry me. I just could not take the chance at this time--I have too much that I want to do in the days ahead in life to take a chance like that. The story of the teacher in Arizona who passed away stuck with me--in many ways that teacher was just like me. I didn't want to put myself in a position of potential harm. So I weighed the pros and cons and decided to retire.

Of course, like any retiree, I'm filled with a large range of emotions. Of course, there's some anger. COVID-19 alone elicits anger on many levels--anger that our national leadership ignored pandemic warnings and didn't take this virus seriously. Had they acted with responsibility from the start, we would not be in the position we are in. The national response continues to be irresponsible and worrisome creating havoc with lives and the economy. There is also anger that many are ignoring teachers' voices about good, safe teaching in the fall--many distanced from classroom life think they know more about what happens in schools than educators. This is frustrating and worrisome. What's more infuriating is that some of those decision makers truly appear to not care whether some lives are lost or greatly compromised. And of course, there's anger about the confusion between childcare and education--too many want schools to open solely to provide childcare negating the value that a positive, child-centered education brings to every community. 

There's a level of guilt too with this decision. I care about the children, I care about my colleagues and I care about the school system. I am a good teacher who truly enjoys working with children. I had planned some amazing teaching efforts for the fall, and I will miss doing the work that I've done for so long. 

And of course, there is joy too. I've been working for almost 50 years--that's a long time. I'm looking forward to living a simple life until COVID-19 passes and then thinking about next steps. I truly enjoy helping people live good lives and suspect that I may end up teaching math to small groups of children or turning my love of research and writing into more formal articles and books. Though, often the plans I imagine change, so time will tell what truly happens. 

First, however, I'll do what I can to stay healthy, complete a number of unfinished tasks, and care for family members. I also hope to explore natural places at times when those places are less crowded which will be a treat, and I hope to spend more time with people I love. 

Retirement, like any big event in life, brings about a large range of emotions, and it's important to consider those emotions and let those emotions direct you in some ways. Onward. 

 

School dreams: retirement

I was on a busy school playground trying to find my classroom, but no one would help. It seemed like no one could see me. I was invisible. That describes my first retirement dream. Our minds are amazing in the way they put a number of unfinished thoughts into vivid brain videos that visualize and process those thoughts.

I take dreams seriously as there are typically nuggets of wisdom in dreams--another remarkable aspect of our minds. Often those vivid visualizations of unfinished thoughts point to the essence of those thoughts. The dream above clearly demonstrated that my place in life is a new place, not the old place. Pragmatists may say that's not surprising, but for someone like me that's always so curious about how the brain works, I think it's amazing.

Advocacy for better

Everywhere I look I see limitless potential for betterment. 

Too often, we resign ourselves to less than what is possible. We may do this because we're afraid, we don't use our imaginations, or we rush to decide rather than weigh the many paths possible. 

I am an individual who is rarely satisfied with mediocrity. I like to do things well, and I like to strive for the best possible solutions. 

Do I always hit the mark? No. But, do I reach for the best possible? Yes.

I knew that I could not go back to school in the fall because the limitations and risk factors were too great. With the plans set, I knew that I could not teach well. I also knew that I would risk my good health and become very frustrated by the multiple limitations at hand. I had many ideas about how we could return to the fall with win-win solutions, but no one wanted to listen to me. Instead, many distanced from classroom life, are making decisions on their own.

Knowing who I am and what I am striving to be, I knew that it was time to make a different choice and follow a new path. I considered the options. While I didn't want to jump ship, I did want to survive. I knew that I could retire given my age and my years, and I also know that from this vantage point I can work to advocate for what is needed to make America's schools rich centers of engaging, empowering, equitable, life-changing and enriching learning for all children. 

Teachers tasked with multiple, daily requirements and expectations, often do not have the energy or time to advocate for their own rights and needs. As modestly paid workers, they don't have the luxury of personal assistants, at-home help, and the extra finances to lobby hard on their own behalf. Yes, there are unions who work for teachers' rights, but teachers need even more advocacy in order to have what they need to do their jobs well.

Too often educators use their own time and money to boost what they can do for schools and students. They often do this because of the time-and-task factors involved. For example, if a teacher knows it is going to take her ten hours to complete the paperwork to buy a bucket of dice, the teacher may decide to spend the $20 from her own pocket to buy the dice and have them for a good teaching task rather than spend the ten hours on paperwork--ten hours that will put that teacher behind with regard to taking care of her students and her family. 

Also, many who lead teachers do not understand what they do. There is often a disconnect between decision makers and educators, and this creates a detrimental cavity that oppresses educators and limits the good work they can do. For example, a decision maker may feel that it's doable for a teacher wearing a mask and distanced six-feet from her students who are all sitting in rows facing front with masks on to teach well. Yet teachers know that to teach well requires proximity, movement, good communication, and collaboration. Teachers know that warehousing children is not a good strategy when it comes to optimal learning, but those decision makers distanced from the classroom don't know that as they rarely work with children. Another example of this is leaders who think that curriculum support means sending them lists of helpful websites. Those leaders don't understand that good teachers everywhere know how to access helpful links and websites, but what they really need is hands-on help with students--that's where the true potential exists for optimal teaching and learning.

The pandemic has laid bare society's failings in many, many ways. Inequitable housing, neighborhoods, health care, wealth, privilege, and supports are staring us in the face right now. In education, the difference between Trump's son's beautiful campus-school environment and crowded, run down, old school buildings that many children attend are stark. It doesn't have to be this way. It is time to advocate for better so that as a nation we can maximize the great potential that education holds for good, peaceful, positive living for all. We can do this. 

Learning Matters

As humans, we are natural learners.

To survive, we must learn, and so we move in that direction no matter what we do.

As I listen to people discuss school plans during a pandemic, they fret about learning. Yet, their definition of what learning is, and how it is measured is not inclusive, accurate, or helpful. 

Too many believe that learning is what happens when students are seated at desks in a classroom listening to a teacher, but as most educators know, that's probably where the least learning takes place.

True, rich, deep learning includes these ingredients:

• A deep desire to know
• A quest to find out
• Mentors, research
• Approximations, making, exploring, practice, reflection, revision, review, presentation
• Questions--lots of questions

In the United States today, too many people are confused about the difference between child care and education. They don't realize that warehousing children in uncomfortable places does not inspire learning, but instead restricts the free flow of ideas and exploration that leads to rich, rewarding learning.

Yes, we have to take care of the nation's children--they can't be left alone without oversight, but good care and good education require elements that inspire and enrich, not elements that restrict and limit. 

The wealthiest Americans won't put their children in tight rows, facing front with masks on. They won't restrict their children to military style seating arrangements and guarded outdoor activities. Instead, those with the means, will ensure that their children continue to have rich, playful, engaging childhoods--they'll make sure that happens using their means to afford those kinds of settings. Their children will thrive.

Why can't the United States think and act like the families with the greatest means--why can't the United States ensure that every child has a playful, engaging, rich childhood whether there is a pandemic or not. 

The solution is simple. Provide every family in the United States with a substantial childcare stipend so they can ensure that their children have optimal care, and then support teachers and school systems so that they can use their knowledge about what it means to learn and live well to inspire awesome learning activities remotely while the pandemic surges. This trying time in the United States can be an enriching time too as we meet the potential to uplift families and education in the ways we can, ways that inspire and enrich children's lives rather than limit and imprison them.