I am blocked from doing a good job.
I am not allowed to do so much of what I read about and understand to be good teaching.
For a teacher like me who desires to teach well, this is like cutting my legs off.
The mandates, surprises, and unexplained events continue to mount.
I feel like the breath is being taken from me.
This is a very discouraging and dehumanizing event.
I have tried every avenue to make it work. I've participated in numerous courses, got involved in multiple reputable outside agencies, shared my ideas, questions, and thoughts transparently, stood up for what I believe is right and good, and opened myself up for debate and discussion.
None of this matters; the direction in which I am being pushed is clear.
Is it my age?
Is it the outside work I do?
Is it the questions I ask?
Is it my desire for greater creativity and innovation?
Is it the salary I make?
Is it that I work too much?
I know the children are happy and the families well served, but clearly what I do is not respected or valued by some. It is disheartening and ever so trying.
I will find the next step, and I will not give up my values or vision as I move forward. Onward.
6/17 Update: Note that a new shared teaching model at the grade level, one-to-one computers for every child, computers for children who don't have them at home, creative RTI, team activities, field studies, good decisions by the State and local/state union have uplifted my ability to teach well in the past year and a half. There are still a few onerous obstacles which hinder educator choice and voice, good communication, and effective collaboration, but at least we're moving in a good direction. May it continue.