Recently I wrote a note expressing that I felt I had changed quite a bit from the past in some areas of my work and collaboration. Earlier in my career, I would burst with emotion when I was unheard or ignored with regard to issues that were dear to me. For example, there was a poster in our school that I felt was very racist--the prominent figure was a white boy, and the less prominent figures who were often the bad guys in the poster were girls, people of darker shades, and seemingly less strong and potentially disabled people. My first reaction when looking at the poster was one of oppression--I was brought back to days when the strong, beautiful white guy ruled while everyone else was relegated to second place. I had a visceral reaction to the poster and spoke up.
My words were unheard and the poster became an even greater presence in my school. I thought about the message students would get from that poster and I became very upset. Others didn't see it through my eyes; they didn't feel it like I felt it. I did some research--I knew it wasn't right. I went to leadership, and still no one heard me. Eventually after an outburst, things mostly changed though some still have that poster in quiet corners.
In hindsight, I should not have become as upset as I did. The people doing this didn't see things the way I saw them. I should have waged my advocacy with greater respect, yet when I initially did that, nothing happened. It wasn't until I got very upset that some change happened. In issues that were similarly prejudicial or oppressive in the past, I became very upset too. Since that time and the painful sting of punishing words and actions related to my outbursts, I've received excellent coaching via reading, reflection, and honorable people in my life and have become better at managing those reactions and working for change in other ways. Though I've become better, some still judge me with my past actions in mind. They haven't taken a new look or recognized the great effort and changes I've made.
In hindsight, it would have been helpful if people listened to me, helped me, and worked with me with kindness and care rather than meeting my strong emotions with punishment, disrespect, and judgement. But that's in the past, and via lots of reflection, some very good coaching, and study, I've learned to be confident about my view point and will for truth with the knowledge that respectful, collaborative, and truthful debate, discussion, and effort leads to the best of what we can do. To ignore problems and not talk about them, doesn't help anyone. Instead to be open, honest, and respectful to each others' points of view, needs, and efforts is much better.
As I think of this today, I am thinking of the advocacy ahead--issues that mean a lot to me, issues related to apt staffing, schedules, and routines at work--efforts that truly elevate what students can do and be. I am also passionate about developing and elevating what we do in honest, timely, research-based ways to help children achieve. When conversations related to this are stifled, we do not move forward. I also believe in open, honest, timely, and regular communication, flattened hierarchies, teacher voice, choice, and leadership, and system structures that are more collaborative to improve schools. I will continue to advocate for this in more tempered and respectful ways, but ways that don't shy away from saying what I believe and working for what we can do to better our efforts to teach children well.
We have to give each other room to change. We have to acknowledge that we're all works in progress. None of us know it all or can be it all--we depend on each other to do the good work possible. To take sides, punish, humiliate, denounce, and be untruthful is to block the good potential that exists. It's best to embrace the truth, support each other, and move forward in the ways that we can to do the good work possible to elevate our efforts, communities, and organizations. Onward.
