There are gestures, words, and actions that get to all of us in troubling ways. It's important to know what those gestures, words, and actions are and how to respond before the events reoccur.
For me, the following words, gestures, and actions trouble me.
Injustice
When I perceive injustice, I get upset. This could be injustice to me or anyone else--I believe in fair, just acts, and injustice upsets me. I can respond to times like this with the words, "This appears to be unjust and that's upsetting. How can we make the situation fair to all? Let's talk about it."
Insinuation
When someone insinuates that you've done something negative rather than discussing it with you in a straightforward way, that's upsetting. I can respond to insinuations like this with the words, "Are you referring to a particular action or event. I'd like to understand this better."
Lack of transparency
When issues are presented without all the important facts and figures, that's upsetting. For example if an initiative invites people to take part, but a decision has already been made--that feels like it lacks transparency and open share. In almost all cases, except the most personal, I believe that transparency opens the door to better work and collaboration. When a situation lacks transparency, I can choose to not take part, of if that's not an option, I can simply ask questions in a respectful way, and a way without judgement, to gain a more truthful, transparent, and clear understanding of the facts.
Prejudice or discrimination
When words are spoken or actions forwarded that appear to discriminate or demonstrate prejudice, I become upset. In these cases, I can simply say, This seems discriminatory to ___________-, or what did you base this judgement on? Asking questions can often help to bring people together in unthreatening and positive ways.
Dishonesty
When dishonest words are spoken, that's worrisome and troubling. It's important to ask questions when you feel that someone is dishonest to help to understand the truth of the matter.
We all err, and we all can be a catalyst for upset and disruption at times, but in general, I believe that most people work to get along and do well together. When people hit us in our sensitive spots, we have to be ready to respond with respect and care to better understand the situation and let the person or people we are working with, understand where we're coming from.
